Fall/Winter 2001/02 Newsletter

Locked Up …and Free  

Anonymous

Why am I in this prison? Is this working? What am I doing wrong Lord? I've been coming here for nine weeks now to facilitate this Centering Prayer fellowship. Do they trust me? Do they trust you? This was the worst prayer session yet. All distractions and noise. Did I tell you that I can't teach anything, especially a heart? Are they getting it? I can only show up, be searched, scanned, pass the high walls slathered with razor wire, and go through the five sets of locked doors that lead to the belly of this joint. To be present to these brothers of mine. That's my act of faith, that's my job, that's all I can do. You've got to do the rest. Did I forget to tell you?

This is how I spoke to my best friend and teacher throughout the week leading to the 10th session. Doubt was lurking on the trip to the penitentiary this day. It's up to you, Lord, it's your show, don't forget to leave me out of this.

And so we sat in silent prayer, in the lap of God, in prayer beyond words or thoughts, in pure faith, totally at the service of the Holy Spirit. After our first 20-minute prayer meditation, the silence breaks, a voice shares, telling of a life of craving, of chasing happiness outside of himself, chasing a God outside of himself, feeling disconnected, separated from everyone. He says he is finally getting it; God's inside him, happiness comes from inside. Others nod in affirmation.

A lump rose in my throat that I could not choke back, I just stared misty eyed and nodded as he witnessed in such a gentle, placid and transformed voice.

He went on to tell of how he finally understands the clichés he's heard his whole life. Forgive your enemies; do not judge others; to receive you must give. Of how he came to realize this in the past week during prayer, in an instant, snapping his fingers, of how there will be no more useless chasing, of how he doesn't believe he will need to drink again, of how he feels so unconditionally loved, and connected, of how he trusts, of the feeling of being reborn… of being so free.

I wept throughout the second 20-minute prayer meditation and most of the way home. What a God of infinite mercy we have. I need to learn how to trust in his mercy always. 

Other Newsletter Articles:
The Theological Foundations  | President's Letter 
Spanish Corner | Locked Up ... And Free | Reflection  
Imprisonment and Transformation | 2001 Updates 
The Central American Experience