A recent experience with my very healthy 95-year old grandmother called me up short and made me aware of feelings of not wanting to respond lovingly. I tried to express my feelings about wanting her to be kinder to my sons, but she did not understand as I had hoped. Rather than respond unlovingly, I hit the pause button and turned the other cheek. I had lunch with her last week, just the 2 of us in her apartment, where I tried to lovingly express my feelings to her about these things. The scene was much like the lectio visio picture for this week. I tended to her plants and then headed home. The next morning she said the Holy Spirit told her in the night to give me the prayer shawl she is currently knitting. What a gift, a hand-knitted prayer shawl from my 95 year old grandmother. Yet my heart is still hurting by the way she treated my brother who recently passed and is now treating my husband and 2 sons the same way. Family says she just doesn’t like boys, but I love these guys and feel protective over them. I am currently sitting in this space of “pause” and prayer, not sure how to proceed.
Ironically, the answer to the next prompt of who serves as a reminder to me that I am a child of God, is also my 95-year old grandmother. Even at the age of 95, she is also still a child … of God. She led me to God as a child. I am grateful for my time with her and how she has contributed to my faith. Praying for discernment of when to speak, what to say, and when to stay silent and let God work on us both. Pause, pray, proceed. God is in this. May we see what He sees. Amen.