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Somebody asked me recenty as i was talking about a painting i did, “are you an artist ?” My answer: I (just ) am. whether or not i am an artist is irrelevent.
at the first of the year , i wrote a reflection on “who I am.” It started out: “i am a force of nature.” Always evolving. I am someone who is always looking for God’s hand in everything. I am always asking:”what does God think about this preoccupation i am focusing on or this expenditure of energy or resources?” (Word salad, excuse me) . I am learning to be aware of myself as i go through things. At one level , i am “losing it” and at the same time i am being there for myself. And learning that when i go inside, deep into my body, if i stay there long enough , whatever is difficult to stay with, becomes a gift and everything is different. Mostly, i believe God and my true self are deep inside, waiting for me to come home.
This morning , in the first reading, there was something about God sifting us, like gold and, the fuller’s lye. Ye gods! That burns.
yup !
There is no “arriving ” . It is always going to be be challenging, this side of heaven.