“Doubt is inherited in our personality and in our familial and cultural conditioning. A skeptical, fearful, or traumatic environment fosters a habitual pattern, where second-guessing seems to be a fruitful response for our programs of safety/security, power/control, and affection/esteem. Uncertainty, disbelief, hesitation, indecision, and chronic mistrusting are all forms of doubt, with fear as the root energy.” In this past year a lot has come to light, to new life about how I inherited my doubt response. Last night access transit a service here for people with disabilities forgot me which meant I didn’t get to Mass. I experienced a series of unsettling reactions such as “I didn’t handle it well; I may be penalized, then as the evening proceeded something like self pity arose. I was lucid enough to ask, “what is self pity doing here”? I could see it clearly, and , no, this is not my today response; I realize it’s root is way back in my childhood, somewhere around age 8 when my youngest brother was. His 82 birthday was this week. Ages 2-8 were defining years in the development “making my own happiness”. Yesterday seven hours later a hint of a migraine showed up, indicating to me to take my preventative med. I am honestly open and willing to let my doubt history speak words of wisdom into “letting go”.
