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- Our Common Silence
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How true ..knowing i did my best, i am compassionate with myself . Knowing that about myself, i assume good will in others, even if they fail. Maybe assuming good will is a way to lead others into goodness.
As soon as i think i’m “there” i hit a brick wall …kind of dazed . i guess i’m not ” there” afterall. The journey continues.
Absolute favorite quote, eben
Linda: yes . Yes . Yes.
pamela-the music you have introduced me to over the years – wow!
take a listen
to olaf armands . Im listening to his music this am —haunting … gathers me up into quiet.
I could feel that image insidde my body and how it aligns with. What i take from today’s gospel.
it called to mind the lectio divina group we started here . At the end of our sessions, i find myself with copy paper and box of crayons ….making a drawing -coming straight out of my heart and onto paper. My friend this week suggested giving everyone in the group paper and access to crayons to make art around how they have been moved.
In our Lectio Divina group, my 87 yesr old friend , sally , says ….every week ….i might die tonight …withh a twinkle in her eye. Sally keeps abreast of current events . She has a rich store of memories with her husband an fbi agent , living all over the world. She makes us all laugh.
i tell her i want to be there for the sendoff.
my psychiatrist and i agree : if you keep going down , down down , in your sadness, despair , you come to peace and to a place of light . I guess that is on the level of bodily experiencing with thoughts on the sideline.
I woke up too early this morning with all kinds of wanting -to-do dancing across my mind ….its been a consoling week with family members nearby.
i get a coffee and sit for centering prayer . The sunday lectio is right there as i emerge, having done lectio divina with my church group this week. Then, so tired, i go back to bed. Now i read this with another coffee and I am crying. What a difference you have made in my life! I am now witnessing to this to all around me, daring to be my true self after a lifetime of feeling shamed. Thank you all (with copious tearss ).
Gosh, that image! It is like going towards the light is a big deal. You have to go thru a lot to get to the realization of that vision appearing in yiur mind’s eye.
thinking of Bonhoeffer , choosing to go where he was called, back to Germany when hitler was solidifying control. Choosing to serve for him was just presencing …nothing to do…just being with…
yesterday my family was bemoaning US politics. I was getting triggereed and escaped to my room. Then i realized, if i really care about my country, i need to stay and feel the grief and the fear that accompanies what is.
the doing will grow out of such being.
I know that i will never be left to my own devices.
I will pray . I appdeciate being part of this praying community
Somehow, i feel i have been transported to another stage of being in the past few days. All of a sudden, i was thrust into a situation where the inner silence i have been culrivating for years came forward at just the right time , for the righr people. I am amazed at what transpired by me keeping my ego out of the way. I’m not really believing that it was i that did that -getting ego to stand down.
we will see if this is a difference that makes a difference.
Please desperately ill Mary, experiencing her latest and most devastating recurrance of cancer, for husband johnand her daughters. Her son has been avoiding the family in recent years, so pray there will be some engagement for Mary’s sake.
Keeping ourselves company….
I am listening to a book on tape about conversations between God and figures in the old testament. What i learned is that we cant know who we are … who we are to become.
Jacob tried to define who he was by fooling his father to give him the blessing that belonged to Easau. So jacob pretended to be who he was not-a spectacular false self. When jaacob wrestlrd with the angel at Jabok , he came away limping , and gifted with a new name-i think Isreal. The way God brought about this crisis for jacob suggests the our God is the ultimate trickster. Only when Jacob reconciles with Esau after his interaction with the angel, is jacob free ti be himself.
Somebody asked me recenty as i was talking about a painting i did, “are you an artist ?” My answer: I (just ) am. whether or not i am an artist is irrelevent.
at the first of the year , i wrote a reflection on “who I am.” It started out: “i am a force of nature.” Always evolving. I am someone who is always looking for God’s hand in everything. I am always asking:”what does God think about this preoccupation i am focusing on or this expenditure of energy or resources?” (Word salad, excuse me) . I am learning to be aware of myself as i go through things. At one level , i am “losing it” and at the same time i am being there for myself. And learning that when i go inside, deep into my body, if i stay there long enough , whatever is difficult to stay with, becomes a gift and everything is different. Mostly, i believe God and my true self are deep inside, waiting for me to come home.
This morning , in the first reading, there was something about God sifting us, like gold and, the fuller’s lye. Ye gods! That burns.
yup !
There is no “arriving ” . It is always going to be be challenging, this side of heaven.
Thanks, susan. This morning i am reminding myself of this intention and my dependance on God to give me the will and the way to embody it.
That said, I am reminding myself that it is ok to experience unpleasant sensations and a mind trying to create stories , that in the end , are unhelpful. I commit to holding space for it all, yet maintaining this “recognition energy”.
So, what is theosis, and what is recognition energy? Maybe examples from life or from the language of sciipture or other writers? Thank you!
