Q: I have been practicing Centering Prayer for almost a year now and have gradually moved to twice daily, twenty minutes each time. I have experienced interior disturbances sometimes that I don’t know the origin of. What I have learnt about such experiences is that they are a form of “therapy” and I am usually able to just stay in my prayer, although with a little struggle, and return to peace. What preceded one disturbance was that I felt myself going into a void (I don’t know how best to describe it). I felt a strong tension in my head, almost like a headache coming on. I felt it again today just moments after beginning my prayer and I found it very difficult to keep my eyes closed. But I continued my prayer but I placed a pillow over my forehead covering my eyes. I wonder if I am pushing myself too much and if God is telling me something. Perhaps I need to take a break from Centering Prayer. Yet, I feel a pull each to do the prayer. I wonder if the evil one is trying to keep me away from this precious time. I hope that it is just a phase in my journey with this form of prayer. I have really come to appreciate Centering Prayer. Thanks. God bless.
A: Thank you for reaching out. I believe what you are describing in your emails is some ‘unloading of the unconscious.’ Remember, in Centering Prayer we are not only consenting to the Divine Indwelling’s presence, but also to the ACTION. What is the action? It is to remove all the interior obstacles we’ve taken on that preclude the free flow of grace/Divine Life and Love in and through us. This is why we say that “thoughts” (the technical term for any sensation/imagining/body sensation/memory/feeling or emotion) are both inevitable and INTEGRAL. This is how the healing happens.
In Open Mind, Open Heart, Fr. Thomas answers various questions about ‘thoughts’ at the back of various chapters. In the chapter entitled, “The Unloading of the Unconscious’ (pg. 97) he writes: “One way to deal with intense restlessness, physical pain, or emotions, such as fear or anxiety, that arise at such times of unloading is to rest in the painful feeling for a minute or two and allow the pain itself to be your prayer word. In other words, one of the best ways of letting go of an emotion is simply to feel it.”
His teaching reminds us that our psychological experience of contemplative prayer (or the healing path of transformation) often feels like we are getting worse! Actually, we are being healed of what has been hindering us in ways we weren’t even aware of. So the basic thrust is to TRUST the process. No need to fear the evil one. In Centering you are embraced in the arms of Love. But being LOVED into life is painful and often uncomfortable.
So, don’t give up. That is the voice of our ‘false’ or ‘homemade self’ saying ‘you don’t really need to do this.’ But the Heart replies, “JUST DO IT!”
I return in my own journey to Fr. Thomas’s words from the Spiritual Journey videos that have carried me for many a day: “Once we start the spiritual journey, God is totally on our side, despite any and all evidence to the contrary. If we could believe this we’d save ourselves an enormous amount of trouble. The more we recognize our need for healing, the more we experience the infinite mercy of God. Trust leads to perfect love, fear is useless.”
I hope I’ve addressed your concerns. If not, please feel free to reach out and we could set up a phone call.
Blessings on the way,
Mary Dwyer
And the questioner replied: Thank you Mary. Reading your reply, I feel inspired to continue on my journey with Centering Prayer.
