Q: I have been practicing Centering Prayer for more than 20 years now, but I have never experienced “evacuation” of emotions during the prayer as Fr. Thomas describes. I remember hearing in the Contemplative Outreach courses that the fruits of the prayer are in daily life. So maybe it’s happening on a subtle level? Or is it a negative sign that I am still not able to surrender enough for it to happen during the prayer!? I rarely “go deep,” even after all these years. I had a traumatic childhood and a violent father, and it’s never been easy for me to really let go. However, I sit and consent faithfully, at least once but usually twice daily.
A: Thank you for reaching out to us about the unloading of the emotional material of our early childhood as part of one’s Centering Prayer practice. And thank you for your deep dedication to growing relationship with God through your long practice of sitting with God, day after day after day for over 20 years.
In regard to experiencing unloading of the unconscious during the prayer time, this seems to happen more outwardly during long periods of prayer, especially during a retreat. Many practitioners find that they don’t experience it during their everyday practice of twice a day for 20 minutes. Our God is so gentle and doesn’t often ask us to experience this evacuation as a known psychological experience during the prayer. Many times, we go along in our prayer and never notice that this unloading and evacuation of our undigested emotional material is happening. We may “feel” nothing, or we may only feel an uneasiness, but we may not remember the actual memory that God is asking us to give God out of our experience. I like to say it is God taking away things that God knows we really don’t need to continue storing in our bodies to make room for the Holy Spirit to fill us with the gifts that will help us experience wholeness, to be able serve our community out of our love of God rather than our ego selfishness. One’s community begins with those we live with and continues out to our small groups, faith community and the larger community.
After years of praying Centering Prayer, those around you may have noticed that you are different than you were before. Those on the journey for shorter times may also notice (if they are aware of their behaviors) how they have changed. These changes are evidence of the unloading that has occurred within you.
St. Paul’s said to the Galatians (5:16,22-23, 25), “I say then: live by the Spirit and you will certainly not gratify the desire of the flesh. … [T]he fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, self-control. … If we life in the Spirit, let us also follow the Spirit.”
Fr. Thomas says in his book Fruits and Gifts of the Spirit “The Fruits of the Spirit are indication of God’s presence at work in us at varying degrees and forms. Through the Fruits, the Spirit is becoming a reality in our lives. By manifesting the fruits in daily life, we bear witness to the resurrection of Christ in a most profound manner. It is not so much preaching or teaching, but our rootedness in the Spirit that communicates Christ’s life to the people around us—to our family, friends, and those with whom we work. If we are rooted in the Spirit, these fruits inevitably begin to appear.”
I invite you to spend some time pondering how these fruits are active in your life now? How each gift you were given has benefited not only you but your communities. This is not to be taken as an exercise of the falsity of our egoic self but as a true pondering of how Christ is coming alive within you through your relationship with God.
I hope this offers you hope and encouragement for you journey to Love. If you have any questions, please email me back.
Peace and love,
Leslee Terpay
And the questioner replied to Leslee: “Thanks so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. I have never been able to afford a 10-day retreat, or been able to take the time off work, so I just stick to my daily sits. You’re right, the change happens. I can definitely see how God has been at work. God works with each of us whether we can manage a retreat or not! ‘Rootedness in the Spirit’ … I really like that phrase. Thanks again. I really appreciate your reply.”
